(Satire)

With the firing of head coach Bill Lynch, Big Ten lightweight Indiana is now on the hunt for a new man to lead their program back to glory.

The task at hand is much easier said than done and the Hoosiers need to make sure that they hire someone who can get them to the level of conference powers Ohio State and Wisconsin.

Well, fortunately for Indiana athletic director Fred Glass, he needs to look no further than Gainesville, Florida, to find the perfect man for the job—Gators offensive coordinator Steve Addazio.

Addazio's Style is Big Ten Approved

The Big Ten has long held the reputation of playing smash mouth football and no coach in America embodies that style more than Florida offensive coordinator Steve Addazio.

Luckily for Big Ten cellar-dweller Indiana, Addazio's offensive philosophy is centered around the halfback dive plays and runs up the middle.

From speedy running back Jeff Demps (5'8" 190 lbs.) to the Florida's third-string prototypical spread offense quarterback Jordan Reed (6'3" 240 lbs.), every Gator gets plenty of opportunities to run right up the gut.

With Addazio at the helm, the Big Ten wil have to deal with the Hoosiers smacking them in the mouth again and again and again and again...and again.

Face It, Addazio Just Looks Like a Football Coach

C'mon, look at the guy!

If Steve Addazio doesn't look like a football coach, then I'm not sure anyone does.

Addazio rocks a bald head, a tough-guy mustache, and he wears his britches a little higher than the average man with a packet full of different variations of the halfback dive tucked away and sticking out of the back of his pants.

Add a headset and boom! You've got a football coach.

If it's good enough for Urban Meyer, then you know it will work wonders for the Hoosiers.

Addazio Has Hoosier Football in His Blood

It's probably safe to say that a history with the Indiana Hoosiers football program is not a desirable trait in a head coaching candidate, but let's just go ahead and throw it out there for what it's worth.

If Indiana were to hire Steve Addazio as their next head coach, it would be like coming home for the Florida offensive coordinator.

Addazio spent three seasons as a Hoosier, coaching the offensive line from 2002-2003 before his promotion to offensive coordinator in 2004.

And although the Hoosiers finished 3-8 during the 2004 campaign, Addazio's explosive offense averaged an eye-popping 23.8 points per game.

For a team that is used to mediocrity on the gridiron like Indiana, Addazio and the Hoosiers could be a match made in heaven.

Hiring Urban Meyer's Assistants is Cool

Hey, everybody's doing it.

If the Indiana Hoosiers decide to hire Steve Addazio, the Gators' offensive coordinator would be the ninth Urban Meyer assistant to become a head coach.

With two BCS National Championships, two SEC titles, and three BCS bowl game appearances in his first six seasons, Meyer must be doing something right and his assistants are a big part of that.

Besides, Addazio has to be at least as good as Dan Mullen, Kyle Whittingham, and Charlie Strong, right?

Addazio is Undefeated as a Head Coach

When Urban Meyer decided to take a leave of absence following the Florida Gators' 51-24 AllState Sugar Bowl victory against the Cincinnati Bearcats, guess who took his place as the interim coach.

Steve Addazio.

And didn't the guy do a fantastic job?

In his two months as the head coach, Addazio led the Gators to an undefeated record and the only things Meyer had to take care of were recruiting, offseason workouts, and coaching spring practice.

On a side note, Addazio was a hit at the Gator Club meetings around the state of Florida.

Addazio Talks a Lot Without Saying Anything

Every once in a while, a coach will say something that leaves both fans and the media confused and scratching their heads.

With a coach like Steve Addazio, these instances are a regular thing and that's the beauty of it.

Addazio always keeps people guessing.

As a matter of fact, Addazio keeps people guessing so much, his own team looks utterly and hopelessly confused on the field at times.

However, that's just Addazio's genius at work.

His team's confusion will throw the other team off guard, which allows his team to...whatever. Hey! Are you still listening?